Anand In The John, and Jilted Basu Because of Kilted Gaybraham

Being an ad-free Bollywood weblog - because I put creativity before profitability - you don't see any advertisements interfering with your erratic dose of trivia, gossip, fake news, and the like, straight from a true-blue Bollywood lover's heart.

Lately, there has been a surge in rumors of Yahoo not accepting my application to join their context-sensitive advertising program because of how profane and inane this blog is, or even about Google booting me off the Adsense program because of prohibited activities like fraudulent clicks and trying to seduce their female executives. I categorically deny both of these allegations. The clicks aren't fraudulent. I genuinely "make" them myself!. As far as the female executives are concerned, what can I say? I guess I'm irresistible.

Coming to the crux of the matter, when will these corporate types grow up? All these big internet companies are merely jealous of my business model and wish they could be as profitable as I was. Only goes to remind me of the time I was ostracized by the other kids in the playground because I owned a red Ferrari whilst they had to make do with rickety old hand-me-down tricycles. How petty.

News stories that I thought were of interest, in the week gone by...

Indian fashion designer, Anand Jon is in jail over alleged sexual assault. Why I find this story so hard to believe is because he is one man who can have any bitch he wants. So, a VERY dodgy arrest, as far as I'm concerned. Chicks crave to sleep with this guy in quest of future fame and fortune. I know he's been exposed to assault charges before, but, in both instances, I have serious doubts over the validity of the charges.

What's even more annoying is the emergence of a "friend" who casts some serious doubt over Anand's celebrity status and morality. She's obviously a firm believer in the old adage, "a friend in need is a friend indeed". I wish I could sit on her face and Cow Tse DUNG it. Death to the two pence get-rich-quick whore who thinks she's an instant lottery winner. All gold-diggers must die, bar the ones in valid employment of mining companies.

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In other news, Bollywood actress and former model Bitchasha Basu reckons that her boyfriend, John Abraham, made it big in Bollywood without a Doggfather.



Now, as Snoop Dogg's publicity agent, and a die-hard proponent of Christzenity, I find that really offensive because Johnny's a good Christzen, and all good Christzens should be humble enough to attribute all success to the Doggfather, even as they hold themselves liable for all failures.

So what is a Christzen? A Christzen is a Christian who practices Zen Buddhism, but of course, and thinks s/he's an ascended being. Christ! What nonsense. Its like saying, "look ma, I'm levititititittating" when all you are is high on your own supply. Don't ask me what the phrase means - I just stole it off an Apollo 440 album name. Yeah, so Christzenity. Big religion for these celebrities. Just like Sciencefictiontology. Why? Because they can go around town proclaiming themselves to be the next incarnation of Buddha. Enlightened avatars. Damn Buddhism. Try being a Christian and doing that. Sooner than you can blurt "I'm Jebus", the Holly Pope, huge fan of the X-mas season and spiritual leader of Ronin (we're talking Japanese religion, remember?) Catholics, will fly straight down to sodomize you in person for indulging in blasphemy. And you can't even complain of sexual abuse in this case, because you clearly asked for it (we all know that Catholic priests won't let go too easily of opportunities like that, don't we?!!)

Okay, enough with the theological meanderings for today. So I was saying, since the Bitch has offended the Dogg, we've decided to post pictures of John dating back to the time when he was a collared, Tartan miniskirt-wearing fetishist in some Western country and wasn't controlled by fat-assed Bipasha. Instead, his breast-grabbing boyfriend seems to be as anorexic as he was, from what I can see of the picture.



Eat your heart out, Bitchasha babby. Question his sexuality like his fans and visitors from Google to this blog do.

If that puts you off crossdressing Bollywood stars exposing their midriffs, here's one for all you Shah Rukh Khan fans, especially ones who reckon he's very "metrosexual". (I can't remember who's blog I stole this off, or I'd give due attribution)



If that's meant to be sexy, I'm going celibate.

Will Someone Get John Abraham Some Shaving Cream And a Razor?

Y'know, one of Cow Tse Tung's pet hates is this carefully groomed "ungroomed" look. How can you have the same beard length, consistently, over a period of 20,000 years. John Abraham is in dire need of his fake girlfriend, Bipasha Basu's waxing strips, because the razor obviously doesn't work well enough for him, and neither do his facial hair grow beyond the 2mm consistency we have seen over time.

So Johnny, you either grow a fucking beard by going to a hair-transplant place and getting them to move some of your pubic forest to your face, or go for the clean-shaven look. Because you're only trying to be another Gurdas Maan here, and we both know he has more talent than you ever will in 20,000^n lifetimes.

The second issue is this Johnny-Bipasha business. Who exactly do they think they are? The desi Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Give it a break you publicity-starved fuglies, and tell the world the truth - that your relationship is a facade!

Bipasha Schumacher

Back in the day, Raj Cooper used to sing "Mera Joota Hai Japani", i.e., "My Shoe Is Japanese". Japanese shoes? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. Italian leather footwear sounds alluring. American sneakers are out of this world. But Japanese shoes? Like straw slippers? Or recycled sushi mat thongs? Give me a break Raj Blooper. Leave the shoemaking and singing to me in the future, dammit.



Anyway, in other fashion news today, I would like to draw your attention to style icon (my new favorite term for Bollywood dorks) Bipasha Basu's fantastic shoes. If you were wondering where, or who helps her pick these shoes, go no further. Jimmy Choo, Manolo Whoo?

Yes, it is me, Cow Tse Tung, shoemaker and shoe stylist to the superstars. So the next time you're after some quality footwear with a hefty tag, and out-of-this-world fashion sensibilities (in short, alien sense of style), bring your business to my little boutique. With my Midas touch, I will make you a shoelebrity. Take Bipasha Ba-shoe's word for it.

Ajay Devgan Gets Mad With Bipasha Basu Over Excessive Nudity

Seen here is retrogressive Bollywood actor Gadhay Devgan in one of his most famous unseen scenes, chiding Boobpasha Basu over her turning up in a sleeveless choli at a village fair, aka 'mela', which exposed her flabby arms to the lusting eyes of the gaaonwalas, and obviously affected Devgan's social standing.