The Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrush

Yeh, help the poor pulped guy, bimbo.

Yeh, so after this crushing defeat at the World Mooing Championships, I took to the bottle, and started watching the two movies my coach had left me, viz. :
The Crush
Blue Crush
He also left me some orange crush to drink, if I got thirsty. Yeh, really rubbed it in eh? Anyway, so as always, I got bored, and decided to tune into my pirate cable television, where I see this Bollywood news story on some rich fat bitch crushing this actor to a pulp on the dancefloor. Yeh, real blood on the dancefloor, real murder on the dancefloor. Achtung Michael Jackson and Sophie Ellis Baxter. Best thing? He was her date! Yeh, daddy bought the fat cow a date, and she thought the date was edible huh! Okay, bad pun.

Conclusion time folks - we desperately need to get these fat chicks off dancefloors man. They're like a safety hazard. By order of the Hon. Cow Tse Tung, Minister for Sinister Activities, uh, Cowropean Union?

Ajay Devgan Gets Mad With Bipasha Basu Over Excessive Nudity

Seen here is retrogressive Bollywood actor Gadhay Devgan in one of his most famous unseen scenes, chiding Boobpasha Basu over her turning up in a sleeveless choli at a village fair, aka 'mela', which exposed her flabby arms to the lusting eyes of the gaaonwalas, and obviously affected Devgan's social standing.

When Reel Meats Real

Our Bollywood watchdog, Pillu, brother of famous Bollywood bitch from a thousand and one films, "Moti" (as in PEARL, not FATASS) Kuttiya has brought to our notice the issue of Bollywood stars being so underpaid that the actors have resorted to chewing off the excess flab from the actress' bloated stomachs.



The above picture is quite blurry, but our experts say it is Sanjay Kapoor, not Sanjay Kapur (industrialist, Karishma aunty's ex-husband), digging into Karishma Kapoor's fat. This serves a twin purpose - it saves cash and stardom-starved Sanjay some valuable pennies, even as it helps Karishma avoid coughing up lakhs of rupees in order to get a basic liposuction procedure performed. While they were at it, they decided to get Anu Malik to steal some music from some Western musician, and spice the tune up with some really meaningful lyrics.

In other news, major food multinationals, including Heinz and Kraft were said to be interested in Karishma's abundant cellulite deposits. Some people have all the luck. :-(

When Primitive Desires Wreck Bollywood Careers...

Ex-Thunder-Thighs, and Bollywood actress, Raveena Tandon, rubs her now sagging breasts against another ex-Thunder-Thighs, Tabu. What they really had on their minds is anybody's guess...or is it? :-O