Afrika Bambaataa is Amitabh Bachchan's Stylist

Yes, 'tis true. "True dat", even.

Electro-hip-hop pioneer, Afrika Bambaataa (whose only track I can recall at the moment is Agharta, City of Shamballa) was once hired by Bollywood legend, Amitabh Bachchan to revamp his wardrobe. The end results are for all and sundry to view...

The design...



The creator... (not Brahma)


Honorable mention:
Bappi Lahiri, Bollywood plagiarizer par excellence, and human Christmas tree. On the positive side, the dude recycles his tinsel and holly. How cute.

On another note, I think Bambaataa and Bachchan take Agharta a bit too seriously. No worries - I mean, even I have some pretty twisted fantasies - but nothing like walking around town in a King Tut mask, and a cape or kurta made out of silk sarees.

Song I'm listening to right now? NOT (give it a rest, Borat lovers)
R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People"...

Anjaliji Ki Pasand (Angela G's Pick) - Arjun Ram-Balls

Ancient Chinese proverb say eco-friendly person act on poplar demand.

First things first. There's a couple of nice new Bollywood blogs that are way more active, and I hate saying, a tad funnier/respectable. *sobs*.

• Polka Stripes Zebra Dot
  
• My Views on Bollywood

Do check them out. Or I'd be happy to do a feature on you. OOOoooooooOOOOooooooo.

As is cowmon (notice the rasta connection, cow-M O N, rasta MON) knowledge in Bollywood these days, His Lowness, the venereal Cow Tse Tung is, in wog parlance, a fully sick bodybuilder. Part of my fitness regime includes the intake of this super-herbal-drug (herbal drug! mmmm, salvia salivating), called Horny Goat Weed. It gives you the virility of a horny goat, and the calm demeanor of a weed-wielding hippie. Almost like Weed Willie Winkie, y'know.

So how's that linked to Bollywood, you might ask. Well, you ignoramus, son of a hippopotamus, it might shock you to know this, but former Indian supermodel, and current Bollywood actor, Arjun Ram Balls ("ram" balls, ode to horny goatweed, but of course) once trained with me at my state of the art gym. Don't believe me? He's wearing the shirt I wore to the last Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Saharanpur district.



With a cigarette in my hand...
I felt like a man (remember the public service ad on Zee TV?)

Now, his wife, fellow former Indian supermodel, Mehr Jessia comes across as a pleasant woman generally. But, I can bet you never saw THIS side of her. Her middle name is Peta, as in PETA. I kid you not.



Yeah, when life's a bitch and so is your wife, you want to make sure you get under her skin. But since we're not skin-shedding snakes (unless you believe in bloody David Icke), we have to make do with wearing her clothes. Don't ask me to get into the nitty-gritties. Ask Arjun, the autogynephiliac (yeah, laugh at me - I had to Google the spelling).

Lesbian Chic versus Lesbian Chick!

Now, over the years, I've always wondered whether Indian fashion designer, Ritu Beri, who has pretty big berries is lesbian. Reason being she's surrounded by good looking men, but never had a male partner until recently. Fake marriage, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, as always, Indian fashion befuddles me.



Ritu is wearing slut shoes, but riding breeches, and the slut on the right is wearing riding boots, but a slutty dress. What is this? Some form of pseudo-crossdressing to confuse her clientele`? Parisian chic, or simply Lesbian F. CKing Chick? And the trenchcoat! Damn - the Uncle Fester aesthetic strikes back.

Bipasha Schumacher

Back in the day, Raj Cooper used to sing "Mera Joota Hai Japani", i.e., "My Shoe Is Japanese". Japanese shoes? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. Italian leather footwear sounds alluring. American sneakers are out of this world. But Japanese shoes? Like straw slippers? Or recycled sushi mat thongs? Give me a break Raj Blooper. Leave the shoemaking and singing to me in the future, dammit.



Anyway, in other fashion news today, I would like to draw your attention to style icon (my new favorite term for Bollywood dorks) Bipasha Basu's fantastic shoes. If you were wondering where, or who helps her pick these shoes, go no further. Jimmy Choo, Manolo Whoo?

Yes, it is me, Cow Tse Tung, shoemaker and shoe stylist to the superstars. So the next time you're after some quality footwear with a hefty tag, and out-of-this-world fashion sensibilities (in short, alien sense of style), bring your business to my little boutique. With my Midas touch, I will make you a shoelebrity. Take Bipasha Ba-shoe's word for it.

Budda Gudda's Failing Faculties

Yo kids, that's NOT Mr. Michael Jackson, straight out of a bleach dip, alright? That's India's very own gay fashion designer, Rohit Bal(ls), a.k.a. Gudda (if my Hindi is still as perfect as it was when I used to fail the subject in school, that translates into "Ken Doll"). Imagine calling yourself "Ken Doll". More like Ken DULL. Where's my lube, Kendall?

I nudge you in your breasts, moobs, testicles, or whatever your private areas might be, and ask you, where's the creativity behind that, huh? How about trying to match me. Yeh, me, the authority on Greek mythology. Cow Tse Tung, a.k.a. Adon(k)i(e)s. That's just one of my avataras (manifestations, you illiterate twat), of course.

Anyway, where were we...Gudda. So yes, as I said, Gudda is more like a Gaydda, and Gudda don't like no Gudiyas (BARBIES). So all you desi peroxide blonde Barbies, come right into my arms, for I appreciate you, and Gudda does not. Ah, the benefits of being ambisexual.

Yo, we've gone totally off-topic today. What's new, eh? Yeh, so this guy, is like one of India's top fashion designers. And what does he go and do? He not only goes and bids for Michael Jackson's old suits, but shows up at parties wearing these ugly creations. Man, haven't you heard of suit rentals? At least you'd look half-decent that way.

I think Gudda's losing his mind. Too much gay sex, drugs and frock 'n' roll have made him age faster than that F1 Alonso kid (damn him) drives. Style icon? I wouldn't trust this wannabe-child-molester-designer with styling my pubic hair. Where's Ritu with big Beri's when I need her?

Radioactive Queenie Dhody And Her Obese Pet

First up, Cow Tse Tung say, boy writer who saying "Pretty Please" being stupid fucking maggot.

On to our style non-icons for the day...



Cow Tse Tung heart going out of leather for rich, (and sexy) cows like our thoughtful friend above- Indian designers obviously not producing plus size clothing. Imagine plight of poor laddy wearing anorexic wafer-thin waif Queenie's castaway clothing. Look at poor stomach, trying hard to rip itself out of stifling outfit, screaming for demand of fresh air, and a loser skirt.

And neon-like Queenie Dhody nee Singh - oh, her body glow, but only 'coz of uranium. Okay, Cow Tse Tung quiet now, 'coz lawyer want to sell CTT defamation suit. Can't I have Haramani or Kucci instead?