The Bollywood Plagiarism Soundclash, Vol 1

Well, whaddya know. Rather be known as a one-trick pony [blasphemous when you're a cow], I decided to make a series of megamixes where a Bollywood "inspired" copy is followed by the original. And, being the benevolent Nandi-gaay incarnate that I am, I decided to release it on the web. Free Bollywood MP3 download. SEO, y'know...

Album:

• DJ Cow Tse Tung Presents The Bollywood Plagiarism Soundclash, Vol 1

Length:

• 01:04:54 hrs.
  

Tracklist:

1. Tu Mile (Criminal) vs Age Of Loneliness/Carly's Song by Enigma
2. Bharo, Maang Meri Bharo vs Rivers of Belief (Hallelujah) by Enigma
3. Aao Twist Karein vs Let's Do The Twist Again by Chubby Checker
4. Sochna Kya Jo Bhi Hoga Dekha Jayega vs Lambada by Kaoma
5. Gupt Gupt (also samples the Exorcist theme) vs Deep Forest by Deep Forest
6. Jab Pyaar Kisi Se Hota Hai vs Born To Be Alive by Patrick Hernandez
7. Jab Koi Baat Bigad Jaye vs 500 Miles by the Kingston Trio
   
8. Khud Ko Kya Samajhti Hai vs 99 Red Balloons by Nena
   
9. Sexy Sexy Sexy (Khuddar) vs Boys Boys Boys by Sabrina
10. Sachhi Yeh Kahani Hai (also samples Rasputin by Boney M) vs In Zaire by Johnny Wakelin.

Get your copy now. Available in 160kbps MP3 (77.9mb), Ogg Vorbis (50.9mb), or 64kbps MP3 (31.2mb). Right click any of the preceding links and select "Save (Link) As" from the pop-up/context menu.

References:

• Bollywood music: If it's a hit, it's a rip-off
• Inspirations In Indian Film Songs
• Bollycat

Original post here.

(In)Fidel Castro, Censorship Maestro

So, my fellow comrade and infidel from the good ol' Cowmmunist times, Castor (or Castro as the bitter man calls himself now) is probably on his deathbed, even as I flourish in my 90s. People ask me, WHAT is the secret to your longevity, to your sexual prowess, and I tell them to go follow the teachings of the late Cowsho Rajneesh, to read those great books by him, and listen to those fantastic lectures, and finally, watch those sexy movies of Cowsho and Western women in Indian Ashrams, practising the ultimate in Tantric sex. Cowsho inspired me to develop my populist shogun slogan:
When you are free
Even urine is ghee.
With all due respect to cousin Moorarji Desai, who actually thought urine was ghee and duly peed on his chappati/roti/naan to "save our country butter" when his goal should have been to "serve our country better". And that's how Operation Flood and Amul originated. And had record production, because the Prime Min-Pisster didn't steal half of their produce/products.

Anyway, we're a Bollywood blog, not realpolitricking Machiavelli's-in-the-making. We've covered that base back when we were toddlers. These days, we focus our energies on issues of great consequence to the world, such as Bollywood plagiarism, Bollywood goof-ups, Bollywood wannabes, Bollywood gossip and the like. Keyword density and search engine optimization, I bow down to thine power.

So yeah, after all those red herrings, back to the issue on hand. Scentsorship. Should we allow smelly Indian-hating Indians like myself into Bollywood parties? Should we drag them to the supermarket and show them the deodorant aisle? Or should we show them the whore door? Just kidding. You wouldn't wanna turn me away, would you? Or you'd end up on this vengeful blog, reincarnated as a...hold your breath, champ... stooge. OOO. Scary.



Censorship is great. What other excuse could someone like Sharmila TheWhoreTagore come up with to gag someone who's sexier and smarter than her, or, alternatively, someone who has an inherent hatred for her? Sharmila, you've been an able student. Infidel Cowstro and I are proud of you.

Presenting...Safe(cracker) Ali Khan

For all you people who thought Saif Ali Khan was nothing but a pansy posterboy, I finally have proof that he is more than just a pretty face. Yes kids, Bollywood actor and closeted homosexual, Safe Ali Khan is a master safe-cracker. And that pretty much explains why the Kebab of Pataudi, chevapi ruler, named his son what he did. "Safe".




Now kids, here is one man who'd takes great care of his assets. Notice the gloves that protect his dainty hands? Course you do. What you don't see in the picture is his insurance policy, which of course, only Cow Tse Tung Udderwriters could've organized for him, what with our extensive experience in income and life protection.

Isn't he so much like Charlize Theron in that Hollywood movie with a squillion Mini Coopers [no relation to Mini Kapoor], the Italian Job? Now, he even has an Italian transvestite as his girlfriend, just to ensure no one can say he doesn't have the right connexions to remake The Italian Job. Course he does. Initial discussions with my film production firm led to us finalizing a porn remake of the flick, which we decided to call The Italian Blowjob, but we ran into censor trouble, as is often the case in Bollywoof. I'm not impressed with recent media reports which have titled our production "The Shitalian Job", and will have ninja master, Ashida Kim deal with you. No, I don't know Ashida, but hey, I'm sure he offers his services for large sums of money. And money, especially Japanese Yen (JPY) grows on bonsais. That's the precise reason why the currency is as devalued as it is. I think I just came up with a new monetary theory. Anyhoo...till next time, as my friend Notch Johnson would say, "ride the big one".

Flinch, You'll Get A Fuckin' Gun Butt In Your Dutt

Here, at Cow Tse Tung Centre For Terrorshits and Sundry Little Shits, we are pleased that justice has been meted out for a crime committed by a celebrity. A celebrity, yes, because in India, celebs seem to get away with murder, and not just figuratively. Kudos to the judge.

Egalite.

At the same time, we express our support for the hairless buttocked Ganjay Butt, and wish him luck for the future. A song dedicated to Mr Butt - "Dirt" by Death in Vegas.
"Flinch, you'll get a fuckin' gun butt to your gut".

Don't flinch an inch. You're the king of comebacks. We shall see you soon - stronger, and wiser. Godspeed.Yes, my friends. Someday, you Indians will experience the power of equality too. So will I, living in a predominantly Caucasian land, where subtle racism seeps through people's facades of multiculturalism every now and then. *sobs* I sound like a crybaby ABCD trying hard to reclaim/rediscover my desi roots by claiming to be marginalized by my fellow Ku Klux Klansmen, when they discover the fact that under my hood, I was not quite as White as they are. Ouch.
" Hey FOB, I identify with you, finally. Now bow down to me, you little piece of curry shit, ya first genner bastard."
Does that ring a bell, mi amigos (the amigas always get away with murder because of their assets and asses)??? *choke* The drukqs are *gulp* killing me. Save me, AFX.

Will Someone Get John Abraham Some Shaving Cream And a Razor?

Y'know, one of Cow Tse Tung's pet hates is this carefully groomed "ungroomed" look. How can you have the same beard length, consistently, over a period of 20,000 years. John Abraham is in dire need of his fake girlfriend, Bipasha Basu's waxing strips, because the razor obviously doesn't work well enough for him, and neither do his facial hair grow beyond the 2mm consistency we have seen over time.

So Johnny, you either grow a fucking beard by going to a hair-transplant place and getting them to move some of your pubic forest to your face, or go for the clean-shaven look. Because you're only trying to be another Gurdas Maan here, and we both know he has more talent than you ever will in 20,000^n lifetimes.

The second issue is this Johnny-Bipasha business. Who exactly do they think they are? The desi Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Give it a break you publicity-starved fuglies, and tell the world the truth - that your relationship is a facade!