Engrish Is My Eleventh Language

1+1 isn't always 2, as evidenced below. Y'know, ever so often I try so hard to come across as a funny cunt, that more often than not, I fail. Miserably. I bow down to the brilliant mind that comes up with one liners like the ones below. I mean, how do I compete against this...

Ayesha Takia is escalated after signing ‘Kajri’ opposite Aamir Khan.

Dino shared, “I started the evening with some champagne and strawberries and after the meal I had some quixotic dessert, a nice molten chocolate cake and a cappuccino.”

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C'mon, surely you can have a call-to-arms proofread prior to publication. Turdburgers.

My quixotic dessert leaves me in a molten, escalated state. The person dealing with the IT issue doesn't have the creditencials to score the debt.