Is It A Friendship Band...Is It A Miniskirt...Is It A Semi-Naked Bollywood Slut...

Theory one: Storm outside+bored superbrain== brainstorm time.

I often wonder why dozens of currymunchers just *have* to include the following terms in their blog titles:

1. RAMBLING
2. THOUGHTS
   
3. GREAT
   
4. DEMENTED
5. EVIL

I'd list more, but I value my sanity.



Pessimistic, head-fucked fuckers.
Okay, I'm done.

Anyhoo, so, on to today's non-issue. When I was a young calf, all I wanted was a "karra".

The steel bangle which is symbolic of strength, unity and bondage.

Great alternative to steel claws. I mean, as a school-kid, you want a decent weapon, right? But, you don't want to be killing or maiming people (unless you're a teenaged American psycho). You just wanna knock them out enough for the hottest chick in your class to recognize you as the alpha male, which of course, means you get to touch her without being done for sexual assault.

Which reminds me, lately, I hear of all these female teachers giving their students blow-jobs and the like. WTF mate. The only blows I ever received were on my ass, with solid wooden rulers, as punishment for something or the other. Why couldn't I have sexy nymphomaniacs who lusted me as teachers? Huh, huh?? Life's unfair.

Yeah, so I was saying, these days, school-kids don't want karras - no sir - but they wear these stupid pieces of waste rubber that companies probably sell for 5 odd bucks, branding them as "friendship bands". What a load of crock. I bet I could carve a friendship band out of a used condom. It'd be a great way to tell a chick that I lust her, wouldn't it? Maybe not. HEY! C'mon! Surely, I can't just toss away an expensive Durex condom after just one use.

Always Recycle.

Anyway, the key issue was not wearing friendship bands on your wrists, but on your waists. I mean, just look at Mallika Share_A_Wart here.



Shrunken, food-deprived Mallika wearing her friendship band on her size zero waist. I don't get it. What's so hot about a 35 year old anorexic slut dressed up as a 12 year old girl?

Give me evergreen teen/ambisexual Preity Zinta being felt up by closet lesbian granny and ugly Bollywood actress, Rekha any damn day.


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Harvey Weinstein and Baby Einstein. Someone at Disney reckons they're substitute goods.

Corny fuckers and lousy economists.

Obesity Epidemic Hits Bollywood "Hard"

When I was a young *cough* warthog (yeh, my cliched opening line) , young boys and girls, including myself suffered from severe anorexia, bulimia, or in some cases, gonorrhea. Being an anorexic, I have to be one of the few dorks to have never had sex, and being a virgin, I have little idea as to how I got the dreaded gonorrhea. Remember what Freddie Mercury of Queer fame said? Too much love will kill Jews.

But who cares? Because of my STD, people reckon I'm a "playa". Anyway, this is becoming too autobiographical. What I was saying was that these days, Bollywood, Tollywood, and whatever other copycatWoods we have in the SAARC region are beginning to feel the impact of that great Hollywood blockbuster, SuperSize Me, about how American guys are increasingly making that trip to McDo-lunds (double dick, get it?) so that their nanopenises can be as big as their girlfriends or partners' 6 inch dildos, which the latter generally prefer to puny American dick.




Today, kiddos, I want you to take a good, long, hard, look at Bollywood actor, Abhishek Bachchan. What a versatile (and I don't mean in a homosexual-slang way) young man! From Teletubbyshek to AbhiShrek to Chubbyshek?

Here's a juicy story - when Rohit Balls, gay Indian fashion designer refused to let him participate in his 2006 Spring Collection show in the Pink City (Jaipur, not Gaypur) because of his weight problems, Abhishek assumed a new name, Chubbyshek, and trained hard under the guidance of my cousin, Cao Satano, and is now a well-endowed Sumo Champ, as is evident from the picture above. Notice how the flab is uniformly distributed, with his phallus growing in equal proportion to the rest of his body. Say goodbye to Cialis, Viagra, Swedish pumps, lizard ash, steroids, nasal injection treatment and shit. You want to grow your twinkie? Take a tip from Chubbyshek and the hundreds of tinseltown actors and actresses. Go on a Sumo diet. Your woman (or man) will love more of you and love you more.