Nach Baliye - We Are Not Dancing With The Sitars

Most of my reading these days involves Sun Tzu, The Callgirls Toplist and the like, because y'know, I'm a macho, globe-trotting corporate warrior and shit. Anyway, so I ended up clicking this link to an article about "Nach Baliye", from one of the feeds on this blog, and behold! I am now one of the lucky few who have been exposed to the wonders of this "Dancing With The Stars" themed show, with fabulous dance routines and costumes that make the most flamboyant of drag queens seem like Mother Teresa.



Rakhi Sawant might not be great at her makeup, but her partner sure has learnt a few tricks off her. And, I am greatly distressed here - Rakhi is CLOTHED! That's bullshit man. I want my money back.



Y'know, men get a bad name for being obsessed with boobs. What about chicks who stare at other chicks' boobies? No, that's so moral. I agree. There's nothing hotter than a hot chick that likes chicks. Long live dusky, pretty Bollywood lesbians.


The dignified lady in red seems to be asking something of the Caucasian gentleman to her right...



Yes, that's Salman Khan at the extreme right. He seems to have been watching a lot of Scrubs, since he's started calling all these new kids girlie names. I don't know or care who the other two turds are. What I do care about is the new Speed Racer movie, which is out in 2008. Woohoo! What can I say about the costumes? The guy's wearing a shiny, satin pair of trackpants, with a shiny silver stripe for heaven's sake.



I bet you didn't realize currypuffs had Christmas costumes too. Merry Christmas, amigos.


After all those eyesores, there was yummy mummy Pooja Bedi to soothe my eyes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

The Bollywood Scientist Report: Neelgai's Relish Salmon in Cans

Per reports appearing in renowned Indian science journal, The Bollywood Scientist, we can prevent Neelgais from going extinct by feeding them canned salmon.

Seen here is a neelgai getting its share of premium grade Bollywood salmon, by means of slaughtering Bollywood actor, Salman Khan aka Salmon Can.



In other Neelgai and Salmon news, a court ruled against Salman Khan, when he claimed to have shot a Neelgai in self-defense, as the neelgai tried to eat his sparse hair, thinking it to be good grass (and we all know how hard it is to get good grass these days. Heck, Wubble U even samples my fellow druggie, Professor Stanley Unwin going "its difficult these days to get good grass."). Yeah bro, I don't blame the neelgai, eh...

To make things worse, Salman absented himself from court so he could grow some real grass on his head, and avoid getting his hair eaten the next time around. That Salman's such a smart lad. He's destined for a greater role in the Bombay Underworld. Karl , don't Hyde.

ShoeRack Khan's Jootey Dedo, Paise Lelo Scheme

Secular Bollywood superstar, Shah Rukh Khan, whom we lovingly refer to as Shah Crook or ShoeRaxxx has dived into the booming shoe-rack business in Vanuatu. Hinjdew immigrants are erecting a temple here, which means that there will be a consistent demand for shoe racks over the years, hence making Shah Rukh's business model a sustainable, and profitable one. Wish your favorite Bollywood star luck for his new venture by visiting the Vanuatu HinjewHindu Temple and renting a shoe-space. Today! Opening offer - one free genuine camel-leather insole with every shoe-space booking. That's shoooeee lovely.

It is said that Bollywood marketing guru, SalesMan Khan has come up with a foolproof marketing plan for the company, using "Jootey Dede, Paise Lelo" as the slogan.
"जूते दे दो, पैसे ले लो"
Isn't that simply brilliant?

For First Time in India! Superstar SALMON in Tin CAN!

Are you pretty Indian girl who think Salman is dishiest Bollywood actor?
Are you mail fan who wannabe Salman Khan?
Well, Hindustan Macchi Company listen your needs and desire and we glad to present our brand new first-time launch in India product this fine day in November - Salmon CAN! Yes, big bite of the real Salmon, in a portable, ready-to-eat tin. Yes, even can being edible, so reducing waste. Also being relatively low-cholestrol, this product Aapke Dil Mein Rehte Hain and doesn't cause heart attacks or gonorrhea! "Eat your heart out, yaar".