Will The Real Medusa Please Stand Up?

Time and again, Bollywood flicks come under fire for being unrealistic. Seen here is Celina Jaitley playing Medusa in some sexed-up version of the new Bollywood biopic plagiarized from the Hollywood movie on Alexander The Great, enhanced with ancient Greek mythological characters and a merry band of singing 'n'dancing soldiers, who participate in qawwali wars against the army of Porus Punjabi.

Now, Medusa is supposed to be a scary monster, not some bikini-clad bimbo who's trying to seduce you by flashing her pint-sized boobies instead of scaring the living daylights out of you.

Cow Tse Tung demand that lady adjacent to Celina in beeg poster be instate as nu-Medusa.

The script might be lame - can we at least have decent actors, please?

Ajay Devgan Gets Mad With Bipasha Basu Over Excessive Nudity

Seen here is retrogressive Bollywood actor Gadhay Devgan in one of his most famous unseen scenes, chiding Boobpasha Basu over her turning up in a sleeveless choli at a village fair, aka 'mela', which exposed her flabby arms to the lusting eyes of the gaaonwalas, and obviously affected Devgan's social standing.

Was Fardeen Khan Trying To Sneak Out (And Away From Natasha Madhvani) To The Men's To Get A Heroin Shot?

Seen here is top (top? as in gay top or numero uno?) Bollywood actor and junkie, Furspleen Khan, with his ugly, anal-sex loving (read the speech bubbles mate! Freudian slips always tell the true story) wife, Natasha Mudnanny(who will turn out to be pretty eventually, once she has all that plastic surgery) at some overseas awards function for shitty commercial Bollywood actors, sponsored by starry-eyed dehati NRIs, I presume. From what our 'sources' tell us, Fardeen is grabbing his twinkie because he's trying to tell Natasha he desperately needs to go to the loo - to meet up with fellow addict, Sanju Bebe, better known as Sanjay Dutt (druggie/terrorshit) so they can binge on some quality American crack.

I honestly don't know what girls see in Fardeen. Is it the lure of free drugs? Huh? Tell me.

Aishwarya Rai Faces Unexpected Competition

Does India's reigning "Badshah" Rukh Khan of Bollywood also want to become India's number one film actress? Reigning plastic queen Aishwarya Rai feels the Shah Rukh Khan heat - and she's not pleased, despite what her smiling face might tell you.

When Reel Meats Real

Our Bollywood watchdog, Pillu, brother of famous Bollywood bitch from a thousand and one films, "Moti" (as in PEARL, not FATASS) Kuttiya has brought to our notice the issue of Bollywood stars being so underpaid that the actors have resorted to chewing off the excess flab from the actress' bloated stomachs.



The above picture is quite blurry, but our experts say it is Sanjay Kapoor, not Sanjay Kapur (industrialist, Karishma aunty's ex-husband), digging into Karishma Kapoor's fat. This serves a twin purpose - it saves cash and stardom-starved Sanjay some valuable pennies, even as it helps Karishma avoid coughing up lakhs of rupees in order to get a basic liposuction procedure performed. While they were at it, they decided to get Anu Malik to steal some music from some Western musician, and spice the tune up with some really meaningful lyrics.

In other news, major food multinationals, including Heinz and Kraft were said to be interested in Karishma's abundant cellulite deposits. Some people have all the luck. :-(

(Un) Saif Ali Khan Prefers Driving On Little Boys Instead Of Tarred Roads

The Kebab of Pataudi, and rumored reigning queen (*cough*, I nearly said QUEER) of Bollywood, Saif Ali Khan nearly killed a young boy with his 4WD SUV in Mumbai today. To his credit, he reported himself to the cops, and was set free on the princely bail of INR 5000. That's approximately USD 108.something at current conversion rates.

Shashi Kapoor, Iron Chef?

CowTT Image Consultants released the above poster to launch Tetsujin Sushi Kapoor's radical sushi bar, Albert Shinto Ka Geisha Kyoto Bar. Yeah, nice name eh?

Background: Committing professional harakiri is nothing new in the heaven of plagiarism, Bollywood. Shashi Kapoor wants to do something different with his life. After consulting with CowTT Image Consultants, LLC., Mr. Kapoor decided he would take a cue from the Iron Chef series, and become a Japanese chef.

"Bollywood Camp" Presents, Bombshell of Yesteryear, Sooji (Shashi) Kapoor!

Don't you think Bollywood is a bit too campy?

Anyway.

Daddy Tse Tung always said Shashi Kapoor was one of the top Bollywood actresses of her time. After seeing this picture, I learnt never to doubt him.

When Primitive Desires Wreck Bollywood Careers...

Ex-Thunder-Thighs, and Bollywood actress, Raveena Tandon, rubs her now sagging breasts against another ex-Thunder-Thighs, Tabu. What they really had on their minds is anybody's guess...or is it? :-O

The Return Of The Shapeshifting Superhero

I don't know if you knew what I know, but now you do, so we're all in the know. Yes, that is Abhishrek Bachchan's Shrek manifestation/avatara.

Flavor of the Season, Abhishek Bachchan To Star in Hollywood Teletubby Project!

OMG. Its Teletubbyshek Bachchan! Daddy Amitabh would be so proud.