Doogie Likes It Doggystyle

I've googled it, and after all these months no gossip queen has used this witty, and mind-bending (pun intended; does one even exist here?) headline. Yes, Neil Patrick Harris is gay, and I think its great. Because now I can make all those Doogie-doggy jokes I've held out on for all these decades. A burden has been lifted. Takes me back to Time Magazine's Busta Rhymes arrest report, "Busta Busted", "Busted Crimes", "Busta Crimes".

Also, it makes his role in Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle all the more humorous. Why? 'Coz, the guy doesn't even like pussy. Ah, sarcasm, thy name be Neil Patrick Harris.



Anyway, what did you expect after NPH was caught in compromosing positions with male castmates, such as this:

Presenting...Safe(cracker) Ali Khan

For all you people who thought Saif Ali Khan was nothing but a pansy posterboy, I finally have proof that he is more than just a pretty face. Yes kids, Bollywood actor and closeted homosexual, Safe Ali Khan is a master safe-cracker. And that pretty much explains why the Kebab of Pataudi, chevapi ruler, named his son what he did. "Safe".




Now kids, here is one man who'd takes great care of his assets. Notice the gloves that protect his dainty hands? Course you do. What you don't see in the picture is his insurance policy, which of course, only Cow Tse Tung Udderwriters could've organized for him, what with our extensive experience in income and life protection.

Isn't he so much like Charlize Theron in that Hollywood movie with a squillion Mini Coopers [no relation to Mini Kapoor], the Italian Job? Now, he even has an Italian transvestite as his girlfriend, just to ensure no one can say he doesn't have the right connexions to remake The Italian Job. Course he does. Initial discussions with my film production firm led to us finalizing a porn remake of the flick, which we decided to call The Italian Blowjob, but we ran into censor trouble, as is often the case in Bollywoof. I'm not impressed with recent media reports which have titled our production "The Shitalian Job", and will have ninja master, Ashida Kim deal with you. No, I don't know Ashida, but hey, I'm sure he offers his services for large sums of money. And money, especially Japanese Yen (JPY) grows on bonsais. That's the precise reason why the currency is as devalued as it is. I think I just came up with a new monetary theory. Anyhoo...till next time, as my friend Notch Johnson would say, "ride the big one".

Budda Gudda's Failing Faculties

Yo kids, that's NOT Mr. Michael Jackson, straight out of a bleach dip, alright? That's India's very own gay fashion designer, Rohit Bal(ls), a.k.a. Gudda (if my Hindi is still as perfect as it was when I used to fail the subject in school, that translates into "Ken Doll"). Imagine calling yourself "Ken Doll". More like Ken DULL. Where's my lube, Kendall?

I nudge you in your breasts, moobs, testicles, or whatever your private areas might be, and ask you, where's the creativity behind that, huh? How about trying to match me. Yeh, me, the authority on Greek mythology. Cow Tse Tung, a.k.a. Adon(k)i(e)s. That's just one of my avataras (manifestations, you illiterate twat), of course.

Anyway, where were we...Gudda. So yes, as I said, Gudda is more like a Gaydda, and Gudda don't like no Gudiyas (BARBIES). So all you desi peroxide blonde Barbies, come right into my arms, for I appreciate you, and Gudda does not. Ah, the benefits of being ambisexual.

Yo, we've gone totally off-topic today. What's new, eh? Yeh, so this guy, is like one of India's top fashion designers. And what does he go and do? He not only goes and bids for Michael Jackson's old suits, but shows up at parties wearing these ugly creations. Man, haven't you heard of suit rentals? At least you'd look half-decent that way.

I think Gudda's losing his mind. Too much gay sex, drugs and frock 'n' roll have made him age faster than that F1 Alonso kid (damn him) drives. Style icon? I wouldn't trust this wannabe-child-molester-designer with styling my pubic hair. Where's Ritu with big Beri's when I need her?

Aishwarya Rai Faces Unexpected Competition

Does India's reigning "Badshah" Rukh Khan of Bollywood also want to become India's number one film actress? Reigning plastic queen Aishwarya Rai feels the Shah Rukh Khan heat - and she's not pleased, despite what her smiling face might tell you.