Obesity Epidemic Hits Bollywood "Hard"

When I was a young *cough* warthog (yeh, my cliched opening line) , young boys and girls, including myself suffered from severe anorexia, bulimia, or in some cases, gonorrhea. Being an anorexic, I have to be one of the few dorks to have never had sex, and being a virgin, I have little idea as to how I got the dreaded gonorrhea. Remember what Freddie Mercury of Queer fame said? Too much love will kill Jews.

But who cares? Because of my STD, people reckon I'm a "playa". Anyway, this is becoming too autobiographical. What I was saying was that these days, Bollywood, Tollywood, and whatever other copycatWoods we have in the SAARC region are beginning to feel the impact of that great Hollywood blockbuster, SuperSize Me, about how American guys are increasingly making that trip to McDo-lunds (double dick, get it?) so that their nanopenises can be as big as their girlfriends or partners' 6 inch dildos, which the latter generally prefer to puny American dick.




Today, kiddos, I want you to take a good, long, hard, look at Bollywood actor, Abhishek Bachchan. What a versatile (and I don't mean in a homosexual-slang way) young man! From Teletubbyshek to AbhiShrek to Chubbyshek?

Here's a juicy story - when Rohit Balls, gay Indian fashion designer refused to let him participate in his 2006 Spring Collection show in the Pink City (Jaipur, not Gaypur) because of his weight problems, Abhishek assumed a new name, Chubbyshek, and trained hard under the guidance of my cousin, Cao Satano, and is now a well-endowed Sumo Champ, as is evident from the picture above. Notice how the flab is uniformly distributed, with his phallus growing in equal proportion to the rest of his body. Say goodbye to Cialis, Viagra, Swedish pumps, lizard ash, steroids, nasal injection treatment and shit. You want to grow your twinkie? Take a tip from Chubbyshek and the hundreds of tinseltown actors and actresses. Go on a Sumo diet. Your woman (or man) will love more of you and love you more.