Sunday, February 17, 2008

Koontz

Jane Fonda said CUNT on American TV. WOW. Breaking news.

Jesus Loves You, But I Think You're A Cunt
I say the word CUNT twenty times a day in the hope that some pitiful excuse of a media-person would hear it and make me infamous too. I even change the pronunciation to KOONT (giving it a Scottish - or is it Irish twist?), but I'm still a poor little anony-mouse.

Anyway, flashback time. Y'know kids, everything I learned about mismanagement was at the workplace. So much for trying to shove a management text by a dude called KOONTZ in my face. Cunnilingus just wasn't my thing at age 3, being the innocent, celibate child prodigy that I was. Fecking koontz.

On a brighter note, here's a trio of Bollywood, koontz I wouldn't mind uh...how zoo we zay eet...le "doing".

From L to R, Salman Rushdie's ex-wife and supermodel, Padma Lakshmi; Investment banker Vikram Gandhi's wife, Meera Gandhi; and, Raja Dhody's wife, Queenie DhodyL to R: Padma Lakshmi, Meera Gandhi, Queenie Dhody

Now, let me think about this rationally - would I really want to touch any of these bitches?

Padma Lakshmi:
Pros: Tall, dusky, graceful(who cares about graceful? huh!? Not me!)
Cons: She slept with Salman Rushdie, that circumsized Muslim-in-denial. Actually, that might be a plus point, since Rushdie got done for slandering Islam.
Result: Yes, yes!
Padma Lakshmi
Zillion times Fucksme.

Meera Gandhi:
Pros: Is a humanitarian, diplomat, businesswoman and mother, and has Irish blood.
Cons: Defines herself as a "humanitarian, diplomat, businesswoman, MOTHER". Pompous bitch.
Mother?
Some would find that incredibly arousing, but I, oh giver of life, am not Oedipus.

Richmond Avenal and Jen in the Red Room, from the TV Series, The IT CrowdYes, its a Richmond moment. Luckily, Katherine Parkinson is on hand for uh..ehh...a..handjob. *sobs* Yes, I confess, I have a massive thing (that came out wrong) for Katherine. Mmmmmm.

Result: Coming back to Meera Gandhi, she worries me. First she buys Ellen-whore Roosevelt's house, then she says she's a human-eatarian. I'm worried she might eat me and then buy my little slum dwelling on my demise. A big fat NO to you, darling.

Queenie Dhody:
Pros: Uh, what? Okay, okay - lets be nice - has a decent plastic body and doesn't deflate as easily as my inflatable sex doll.
Cons: Is a Page 3 socialite, is always in the news for doing nothing, is publicity-hungry, has driven her husband (or is it ex-husband) to near-bankruptcy, is a potential carrier of new strains of venereal diseases (STD for you illiterate ones), has SIDELOCKS/SIDEBURNS that dwarf mine!!

Queenie Dhody Has Some Great Plastic Boobs and Body. Put A New Head On Her And What Have You But a MILF!
Result: If you want to go bankrupt, funding an egomaniac's multiple plastic surgeries, lavish bashes, bribes to ensure page 3 write-ups feature her, AND trying to find a doctor that can cure that nasty rash down there, this woman is your perfect match.

Lunch time, koontz.

2 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Why not just let them fight it out for the privilege of blowing you? I believe naked wrestling in a mud pen is the honorable way for ladies today.

Prime Minsiter of India (a.k.a Pradhan Mantri) said...

Bhaiya...tum kaha kho gaye ho. Wapas auo, me tumhara be sabari se intazar kar raha ho...