Koontz

Jane Fonda said CUNT on American TV. WOW. Breaking news.


I say the word CUNT twenty times a day in the hope that some pitiful excuse of a media-person would hear it and make me infamous too. I even change the pronunciation to KOONT (giving it a Scottish - or is it Irish twist?), but I'm still a poor little anony-mouse.

Anyway, flashback time. Y'know kids, everything I learned about mismanagement was at the workplace. So much for trying to shove a management text by a dude called KOONTZ in my face. Cunnilingus just wasn't my thing at age 3, being the innocent, celibate child prodigy that I was. Fecking koontz.

On a brighter note, here's a trio of Bollywood, koontz I wouldn't mind uh...how zoo we zay eet...le "doing".

L to R: Padma Lakshmi, Meera Gandhi, Queenie Dhody

Now, let me think about this rationally - would I really want to touch any of these bitches?

Padma Lakshmi:
Pros: Tall, dusky, graceful(who cares about graceful? huh!? Not me!)
Cons: She slept with Salman Rushdie, that circumsized Muslim-in-denial. Actually, that might be a plus point, since Rushdie got done for slandering Islam.
Result: Yes, yes!
Padma Lakshmi
Zillion times Fucksme.

Meera Gandhi:
Pros: Is a humanitarian, diplomat, businesswoman and mother, and has Irish blood.
Cons: Defines herself as a "humanitarian, diplomat, businesswoman, MOTHER". Pompous bitch.
Mother? Some would find that incredibly arousing, but I, oh giver of life, am not Oedipus.

Yes, its a Richmond moment. Luckily, Katherine Parkinson is on hand for uh..ehh...a..handjob. *sobs* Yes, I confess, I have a massive thing (that came out wrong) for Katherine. Mmmmmm.

Result: Coming back to Meera Gandhi, she worries me. First she buys Ellen-whore Roosevelt's house, then she says she's a human-eatarian. I'm worried she might eat me and then buy my little slum dwelling on my demise. A big fat NO to you, darling.

Queenie Dhody:
Pros: Uh, what? Okay, okay - lets be nice - has a decent plastic body and doesn't deflate as easily as my inflatable sex doll.
Cons: Is a Page 3 socialite, is always in the news for doing nothing, is publicity-hungry, has driven her husband (or is it ex-husband) to near-bankruptcy, is a potential carrier of new strains of venereal diseases (STD for you illiterate ones), has SIDELOCKS/SIDEBURNS that dwarf mine!!


Result: If you want to go bankrupt, funding an egomaniac's multiple plastic surgeries, lavish bashes, bribes to ensure page 3 write-ups feature her, AND trying to find a doctor that can cure that nasty rash down there, this woman is your perfect match.

Lunch time, koontz.