Blackouts are Back on Teli (Oily) Vision

Man, we insult so many Bollywood stars on this blog, that we felt a need to balance things out by dissing some of Indian television's great actors/actresses. I know we should be covering the Vikram Chatwal-Priya Sachdev wedding, but we've slammed Queenie Dhody enough.

For example, check this babe out, who looks like an ugly dude in drag. She's even going to the "Laddies". Yes, toilets for the third gender. How progressive are we?

Don't ask me who this TV Star is, unless you want to hear the cliched "TransVestite Star" reply. And notice the marigold stuck in her cleavage. Well, the boobs are called jugs, alright, but they're no vase, bimbo.

Black looks really good on most people. But y'know kids, as daddy Tse Tung always says, money can't buy you class. You can buy Gucci chaddhis, and team them up with Tommy Hilfiger jackets, but it won't do a single good thing to your sense of style. Pedigree is paidagiri, if you know what I mean.

Man (and when I say this, I'm saying MEOW, like the uh troopers in Supertroopers, MEOW), check out this chick's ass. Its like her arse was so big that they had to get XL sized GladWrap/ClingWrap, and then run around her ass seven times, like the Saath Pherey of Hindew weddings, and then bloody sew the dress - or is it a garbage bag - around her. Disgusting. Even those earrings. They're more like 'hoopla rings'. Admit it. Supersize Meh!

And this old dude - does he not turn you ON? Those sexy women's shorts. That flubber around his stomach. That silver chain. *Sigh* I'm out of words, for once.

The next desi who says "y'all" to me is gonna get his head shoved up his daddy's ass. Y'all get that?

The Bollywood Scientist Report: Neelgai's Relish Salmon in Cans

Per reports appearing in renowned Indian science journal, The Bollywood Scientist, we can prevent Neelgais from going extinct by feeding them canned salmon.

Seen here is a neelgai getting its share of premium grade Bollywood salmon, by means of slaughtering Bollywood actor, Salman Khan aka Salmon Can.



In other Neelgai and Salmon news, a court ruled against Salman Khan, when he claimed to have shot a Neelgai in self-defense, as the neelgai tried to eat his sparse hair, thinking it to be good grass (and we all know how hard it is to get good grass these days. Heck, Wubble U even samples my fellow druggie, Professor Stanley Unwin going "its difficult these days to get good grass."). Yeah bro, I don't blame the neelgai, eh...

To make things worse, Salman absented himself from court so he could grow some real grass on his head, and avoid getting his hair eaten the next time around. That Salman's such a smart lad. He's destined for a greater role in the Bombay Underworld. Karl , don't Hyde.

Mandira Bebi's Lesbian Overtures...

Seen here is a woman who's famous for wearing spaghetti strap tops - Mandira Bedi. By that benchmark, I think 70% of Western women would have a potential claim to Bollywood fame.



Bebi is at Rakshanda Khan's birthday party, where she seems to be trying to seduce birthday girl Rakshanda, who has been trying really hard to prove she's not a lesbian by making all kinds of claims about the bebe/blue boy of the Indian cricket team, Irfan Pathan. I'd rather see lesbian Rakshanda wreck Mandira's marriage than watch sugar-mommy Rakshanda destroy Irfan's blooming career.

Hugging, or wrapping your arms around someone isn't a sexual sign, but when you're breathing into their ear and feeling their neck, I have my doubts.

Rakshanda knows how 'close' Mandira is to Indian cricketers - and she'd go to any length for Irfan, her Jaan, as is evident from the picture above.

Freeeeeze! I'm Ma Faker, Put Your Pants On The Hare And Gimme All Your Bunnies

At first glance, (fe)rozy pictures like this scare the living daylights out of me. Look at yesteryear Bollywood star, Feroze Khan, posing in his I'm-more-evil-than-Mr._Evil look. Think about it - in a time when the Muslim offspring of Christian offspring of Jews are facing some of their toughest times on planet Earth, what does Feroze Khan go and do?



He not only gets third-grade plastic surgery done on his face so he looks more sinister than Mullah Omar and his Mama, Bin Laden, but he's also dealing cheap Afghani drugs at Page 3 do's in Mumbai! Little wonder son Fardeen Khan's a heroin addict.

Just take a look at that little green box. Its one of those new-fangled Victorinox Swiss Army ummm Boxes, which contain everything from a Black Box Recorder, to a high-frequency satellite radio transmitter, whatever that is. Yeh, that's what my "source" told me, so don't call me uninformed.

For a minute, I thought the spirit of the late Amrish Puri had possessed Uncle F(e)roze.