Presenting...Safe(cracker) Ali Khan

For all you people who thought Saif Ali Khan was nothing but a pansy posterboy, I finally have proof that he is more than just a pretty face. Yes kids, Bollywood actor and closeted homosexual, Safe Ali Khan is a master safe-cracker. And that pretty much explains why the Kebab of Pataudi, chevapi ruler, named his son what he did. "Safe".




Now kids, here is one man who'd takes great care of his assets. Notice the gloves that protect his dainty hands? Course you do. What you don't see in the picture is his insurance policy, which of course, only Cow Tse Tung Udderwriters could've organized for him, what with our extensive experience in income and life protection.

Isn't he so much like Charlize Theron in that Hollywood movie with a squillion Mini Coopers [no relation to Mini Kapoor], the Italian Job? Now, he even has an Italian transvestite as his girlfriend, just to ensure no one can say he doesn't have the right connexions to remake The Italian Job. Course he does. Initial discussions with my film production firm led to us finalizing a porn remake of the flick, which we decided to call The Italian Blowjob, but we ran into censor trouble, as is often the case in Bollywoof. I'm not impressed with recent media reports which have titled our production "The Shitalian Job", and will have ninja master, Ashida Kim deal with you. No, I don't know Ashida, but hey, I'm sure he offers his services for large sums of money. And money, especially Japanese Yen (JPY) grows on bonsais. That's the precise reason why the currency is as devalued as it is. I think I just came up with a new monetary theory. Anyhoo...till next time, as my friend Notch Johnson would say, "ride the big one".